From nothing you formed me. You knew what I would be and what I could become. Before I was ever known, before anyone knew me in my mother’s womb, You knew me. You knew what my end would look like. What my beginning would be. (Psalm 139:13 – 16 NKJV)
This stage of uncomfortableness.. of finding out who I am. I don’t remember where it all began..
This process we started together I thought would finish sooner. It felt so long! So tiring. So frustrating. I remember now.. it was so confining, hardly any room to move. Suffocating almost. Crazy enough, even in that small, tight space I saw You there. My Creator. My Author and Finisher of my life’s journey. Through Your eyes I can see myself. The creation You ordained for a purpose, on purpose. I can see. Though this crystalized process of forming is painful I have hope. I have faith. Newness of life! Restoration in sight. It was blurry at first, but is starting to make sense. My senses are heightened, clarity’s here. I’m beginning to understand the reason for this time that will soon only be known as a moment. I’ll yield to Your direction instead of my own.
Though this metamorphosis has felt like an eternity, it’s been worth it… wait. What was that? Something cracked. No, broke. There’s a skim ray of light shining right towards me. It’s so bright. Hold on. Wait. It’s an opening to my shell. Let me.. I’ll push this side of the casing to see if it opens. It does! I can move a little more! I just need to lift my legs a bit more… and there! I’m out! ..but oh no! I’m falling!! *silence*
Am I still alive? Yea, I can feel a soft breeze blowing pass my face. I gradually open my eyes to find myself on the ground. I get up. Walk around a bit, analyzing myself to make sure everything is intact.. Woah! What are those?!? I have wings??? Those weren’t there before. Lord, what happened to me? I was this simple crawling creature for so long and now I’ve transformed into something else. Oh, that’s right. I remember now.. My process. My journey with You. What I once knew as normal has obviously changed. What was a dark space You’ve brought to light. What do I do now? I don’t know how to fly. I’ve never done any of this before..
Through all the noise, through all the thoughts, the chaos in my mind.. I hear You gently say, “I haven’t given or made you for anything I didn’t create you for. You have everything you need, I’ve given it all to you. Believe. Have faith. Don’t doubt. I love you.”
…and so it begins. My beginning I should say. I thought this was the end of my journey, but actually it’s only the start. The dawn before the break.